Saturday, April 18, 2009

The 7 Things I Hate About You.....

Look, having kids is an adventure. You really never know what to expect every day. You have one kid, and you think you know what the hell you're doing after a while. Then, perhaps, you add to the chaos by having more. It is at this point you realize you have no earthly idea how to parent. I mean, who knew they'd all have personalities and differences and preferences and be, ya know, INDIVIDUALS? I mean, give a mom a break! I can't remember how I like my own latte at Starbucks, much less which kid likes Wendy's chicken nuggets, but not their fries, or that one kid likes his clothes a little on the small side and another wants to swim in his.....

So, sometimes, they annoy me. The quirks and quibbles. The things I call "idiosyncrasies" when I am being generous. It's easy to make list after list of things I love about them, but today - after 10 days of Spring Break which, for me, included NOT ONE SECOND ALONE, I give you....

The 7 Things I Hate (or strongly dislike) About You - the P3 version
  1. For whatever reason, you refuse to remain clothed, especially when company is over. Please tell me this is not a harbinger of your future profession.
  2. You tell me at least 20 times a day that you have pooped when you haven't. And it's usually in your emergency voice - the one you would use if napalm were burning your butt. Of course, there's rarely anything there.
  3. You like to pull your brothers' hair - a lot. And, rather than just pull, you grip their hair in your fat little hand and hold on like a pit bull on a shih tzu - all the while grinning like something out of The Omen.
  4. When you are finished with anything in your reach, you throw it - HARD. Sippy cup, bowl of spaghetti, spoon, cell phone, remote control. Once this week you just barely missed a poor old lady at Chili's with your spoon....
  5. You have the same unintelligible word for like four different things. Deciphering what you want at any given time can leave us both like quivering, whimpering pools of frustration.
  6. You like to sing yourself lullabies while we rock to sleep. However, you do this at the top of your lungs, thus eliminating any calming factor it might have. LA, LA, LAAAAH!! LA, LA, LAAAH!!! If I close my eyes, I see you at a long table, holding your beer stein high while swaying back and forth with a couple of old guys in Lederhosen....
  7. And, lastly.... Your favorite phrase.... "AHHH DOOOO!" This means you want to do it yourself - no matter what. And, while I recognize that this is a normal and essential developmental stage, you simply cannot drive yourself to the grocery to get your own juice. Having a meltdown about it will not change that. It's the law!
I love you, Little Bit. Everything. Always!

1 comment:

  1. This was precious! And I think all moms can relate. Wonderful post!