Lies Your Mother Told You.....

OK, OK. First off, I am very sorry to the three people who read me on a regular basis. I have not posted for a long time for a whole bunch of reasons -none of them serious and none of them particularly good. However, I am back, for better or worse.

And, so, here am with some more of my random thoughts.....

As regular readers may know, my mom and I were very close. She was not perfect by any means, but she was a good mother. Only now am I able to understand her better as I try to raise these kids of mine!

Before she died, I was aware of some of the lies she told me, but now I know even more. These were all lies that were "for my own good," but I share them with you here to save you the trouble of figuring them out yourself! Some are big, some just little white lies, but I think we deserve to know the truth:

• If you swallow gum, it will not form a ball in your stomach and stay there for seven years. Ditto fingernails.
• If you marry an ugly man, he is not necessarily nicer to you because "he is more grateful."
• You are not necessarily beautiful to others because your mother says so. You are probably beautiful to her, but I am not guaranteeing it.
• You were not a perfect baby.
• If you cross your eyes, they will not stick that way.
• Your mother loves you all the time, but there are many times she didn't like you much.
• She always wished your father would be more involved with you.
• No matter what she said, there were times she questioned whether motherhood was the right choice for her.
• It does NOT get dark at night so that all the flowers and trees can sleep, too.
• There are not 365 good ways to use ground beef, no matter how broke you are.
• She did not want the burnt piece of toast every time.
• And, here's the biggie.... she did not love all of you the same, and she did have a favorite. The thing is, the favorite changes constantly and the amount of love is the same, she just loves you all for the different ways you are. Well, unless you're a real jerk of a kid, in which case all bets are off.
  

And, for the record, Big D is usually my favorite to hang out with, but lately Dubya has been a whole heap of fun. I love all of my kids, but each one in a completely different way. And every day there's a different favorite, and I just hope it all evens out in the long run.

Why My Job is Harder than Yours.....

OK, I know all about the whole "working mother" vs "stay at home mother" controversy. I have been on both sides of this argument, and I am taking a stand. I officially announce that, for me, staying at home is a lot harder. I know I may get some people annoyed, but, as I said, I have seen both sides of this coin.

Let's take, for example, your boss. I have had some really crappy bosses, including the one who was functionally illiterate and asked me to write all of her correspondence so no one would know about her poor skills. She also made comments about how great it was to walk around with all of her male managers because they were so good looking. There was the one who told me that, even though we didn't get paid but minimum wage, working for such a great company was its own reward (doesn't pay the rent, sister). Then there was the one I worked like a dog for during a whole pregnancy, including a whole heap of really physical stuff, only to get FIRED three weeks into my maternity leave for reasons I still don't fully understand - nor really care about, actually. But, really, who in the hell fires someone on maternity leave?!

So, suffice it to say, I have worked for some serious losers - none of whom read this blog (so it's not any of YOU!). As bad as they were, they weren't as tough as my current bosses, my children. And here's why:

• Your boss has never hit you. Yesterday, I was hit with shoes, little fists, a plastic baseball bat, and a plastic bowl. I was also kicked in the nose.
• Your boss does not sleep in your bed. I cannot remember the last time I did not wake up to find a kid in between Toad and me.
• Your boss makes their own meals and snacks. I am the sole provider of all food related items to a household of 5 people and 3 animals. They would all starve if not for me, except perhaps my husband who can indeed microwave a hot dog.
• Your boss gives you a set work schedule with federally mandated days off. I know you may work long hours as my husband does, but there are days when you don't have to go. And generally speaking, there are stretches of time when you are "off." This does not happen to me. My job starts when the first kid is up, usually by 6 or 6:30 am, and it ends, well, I'm not sure when it ends. Usually I am caring for a child for about 15 hours straight. It's not always the same child, mind you, but still. If the baby takes a nap, I get about a 30 minute break. When they are all asleep, I do household stuff for an hour or two. There are no days off, no weekends off, and my bosses come with us on vacation.
• No matter how mean your boss is, you can call in sick. If I am hospitalized, perhaps, my husband may be able to take the day off. We do not use this option for colds, flus, etc.
• Your boss lets you get a lunch break. If you are really lucky, you get to do this away from your office and with other people. I usually eat lunch around 2:00 or when my hands start shaking, whichever comes first. It is never in a restaurant and must always be shared with one of my bosses. I remember my working lunches and what a relief it was just to get away for a little while!
• You may have to figuratively kiss your boss's butt every now and then, but I know for a fact you don't actually have to wipe it. 'Nuff said about that.

When I was working, my kids were in daycare. It was hard, and I really missed them. However, I had conversations with adults, had a little down time every day and filled our time together with as much fun as I could. In the meantime, at daycare, they were potty trained, weaned from a bottle, learned stuff, and got really tired! I remember the stress of trying to do it all while working. But, now, the stress is even worse. I'm not sure why, really. All I know is, this is definitely the hardest job I've ever had.

That said, although my bosses are all really demanding, they all kissed me goodnight last night and told me they love me. And, this week, I got my very first unsolicited kiss and hug from P3. In the end, the pay may stink, but the rewards are still pretty good. I am glad I am able to be here for them, day in and day out. I am proud of the little people they are becoming and know I am a huge part of it. But, if you see me walking around town looking a little frazzled, why not invite me out to lunch?!

Story of My Life.....

No additional comment necessary....

If It's Tuesday, I Used to Be.....

a recipient.

"A what?" you say.

A recipient. A person who, on Christmas morning, woke to find disgusting displays of lavish consumerism awaiting her under the tree. I used to have to sort through a sea of gifts to determine what belonged to me and toss all else to my siblings. There were always some fabulous surprises in store - well into adulthood. My mother was a great gift-giver, with a knack for remembering some odd thing you'd mentioned 6 months prior and having it appear on Christmas as though you had placed the order yourself. For example, I once mentioned to her casually that I should have bought white dinnerware because the stuff I had seemed outdated already. I totally forgot about it. To this day, some 10 years later, I eat off of a really nice set of white dishes - 2 full sets for my then family of 2.

Sadly, they were usually repaid with just a token - a sweater set, some perfume, shirts for dad, a gadget of some sort. We tried, we really did. The best gift I ever gave my mom was a German class at UNO. I even gave her a backpack and took her to registration with me. We were like college buddies, and she loved it. That was a good year.

I'd like to think I was always grateful for the amazing Christmas gifts, although I do remember crying about my next door neighbor's awesome doll collection one year. I must have been about 7 or so. I went over to play after the big day and was consumed with envy. I still feel like crap about that, so I'm guessing I'm not a total heel. It's just, now I have 3 kids, and the sheer magnitude of what my parents did every year amazes me. And, now I know, they REALLY wanted us to love every single thing - because that's how I feel. I went shopping today, and I must have looked skyward in silent thanks at least 5 times. My sweet mom - how she loved her kids!

And, so now - I am the giver. I love to find just the right thing for the kids. It's not always easy - for them or for my husband. And, while T tries really hard, it is not in his nature to find "the thing." He got lots of points for the XM radio when it was still really new about 6 years ago. And he's still riding high on last year's iPod Touch, which ranks right up there with my all time favorites. But, one of the things I miss the most about Mom is that there is really no one in the world who knows me like she did. My likes, my dislikes, my hopes and dreams. And maybe that's the key to finding the perfect gift after all.

It Only Hurts When I Breathe.....

Tomorrow is my surgery, and while I am not really nervous about the surgery itself, I hear the recovery is brutal. For the curious out there, let's just say I am having a procedure in a delicate area that's used primarily when sitting. I have had 2 colonoscopies where they found nothing wrong, so we are taking care of the real problem. I am just thrilled. The doctor says that, on a scale of 1 - 10, the pain factor is a 20. I also will need to soak in the tub 3 times a day. This ought to be a neat trick for someone who isn't even guaranteed the time to take a shower everyday.

And, so, T is taking the week off, although I'm not sure he won't regret this. I can tell the kids are already driving him nuts this weekend, since he isn't feeling great himself. I have tried to prep the house and its inhabitants so that this will be easier. There is plenty of easy to fix food. The new cleaning lady came Friday - and she was a dream come true. The kids have clean clothes. No one has a doctor's appointment or anything complicated this week. Tonight I will pack the boys' school bags, lay out their clothes, etc.

I guess the only question I have now is, do I need to do anything for me?

Wish me luck. If you don't see a post for a while, it means the surgeon wasn't exaggerating about the pain!

A Walk in the Park

We took the kids to Fairview Riverside State Park last weekend for a little outside time. Despite my true aversion to little kids playing in sand, I relented, and they had a great time. Big D spent most of his time trying to dig the deepest hole possible, which means someone will surely break an ankle sometime this week. Dubya ran around releasing as much crazy 5 yr old energy as he possibly could. But, P3 is the one who really surprised us. She was completely fearless and went down every slide multiple times, even the big twisty one. Considering I thought Big D wouldn't go in a McDonald's Playland until he was old enough to drive there, this was an interesting change. (Not that avoiding the bacterial melange that is a public Playland is necessarily a bad thing, mind you.)

Of course, the drawback is that they think I will take them everyday now. And, of course, there was the sand in every kid crevice as well as all over the van. But, for free entertainment, it was pretty good.

One More Day, Just One More Day.....

before this "week off" is over. While my kids are frequently cute and cuddly, they also bore easily. And, when they are off of school, that's what happens. And we all know who they look to for entertainment.... I am just not that entertaining, I confess. And, since someone at my husband's office is always taking a holiday week off, he works twice as long - usually out the door before they are up and back home after the toughest ones are in bed. This all adds up to a really tired and cranky me.

Monday, the big ones go back to school, and hubby is taking the week off. This would normally be great, except he is doing it to help out while I recover from surgery I am told is really painful. Yippee! The recovery time is supposed to be 2 weeks, but I have to make it in one, because that's all the time I could get some help.

As he assumes the role of Mr Mom, let's hope he is prepared to answer the following questions - over and over again....

The questions - as of 7:30 am

Is today a school day?
So I can wear whatever I want?
Can we go outside and play?
Do I have to take my medicine today?
Can I have some ice cream?
Can I have breakfast now?
Can I eat it upstairs?
Can I eat it in your room?
Is today Monday?
Does 20 go up to twenty-ten?
Can we have a sleepover for my birthday?
Can we go outside and play?
Can I ride my bike today?
Is Thanksgiving over?
Where are the scissors?
Why can't I have the scissors?
Is ten minutes longer than ten hours?
Can we go outside and play?

And, that's just in 40 minutes or so.... And only out of one kid, cause one doesn't really talk much and the other one is still asleep!

Patience, patience patience - I repeat this in my head over and over.

"Those people are so lethargic.....

they can't even reach for their own coffee cup!"

That's a quote from my 8 yr old Big D while watching Wall-E. Um, I am quite sure I know adults who cannot properly use the word "lethargic" in a sentence. How I adore this beautiful crazy smart little boy! His teacher even e-mails me with some of the amazing things he says. T and I keep saying we're not surprised anymore, but it's just not true.

And let's not forget Dubya, my crazy five yr old, who can build whole Lego sets all by himself and started changing the batteries in his own toys at the age of 3. (Long story - I was napping.) He also used the word echolocation at the dinner table the other night - correctly.

These guys are just amazing. There are so many times that I literally stop dead in my tracks at something they say. (May I also point out that, from now on, I would like to pronounce the word literally like a Brit - LIT-tral-lee - I like that so much better.)

Anyhoo, think the point is (does there have to be a point?), I am so very lucky to have these children in my life. And, though I bitch and moan with the best (and worst) of them, being their mom is the world's greatest blessing. To think there was a time when I thought I wouldn't be able to have one child, and here I am surrounded by three.... They give my life meaning and purpose and so much joy. And, even on the worst day, I wouldn't change a thing.

It was important to get that all down before we embark on a week of no school.... When they're making me crazy, I can come back and read this!

Someone Please Explain to Me....

How it is we managed to have such incredibly beautiful children? I mean, really! It makes me want to stare at them for hours on end. Until, of course, they begin to tear at each other fighting, and then I just wish for a pause button so I can keep staring......

Yesterday

Yesterday was an interesting and frustrating day. I didn't get enough sleep and hubby had to work late, SO... I was so tired by the evening, the kids were working my nerves in a big bad way. Baby J had refused to nap, so she was a major crankenstein. Big D couldn't seem to concentrate on his homework. And all Dubya wanted to do was go outside to play.

I finally put the baby to bed after she refused to eat. Naturally, she started to cry and scream like a banshee. Then, of course, she threw up all over her bed. Yippee! So, while D and W ate (or didn't eat) a perfectly good dinner, I power bathed J, changed her sheets and pjs and put her back to bed. At least this time she went to sleep. W took a shower on his own like a big boy. D allegedly finished his homework. And, of course, T came home just in time to see everything already done. Just typing it all made me tired!

So, today is better already - phew!

People I admire today:

• Cloris Leachman, who, while annoying, is one hell of a woman at 82! (Imanaged to sneak in some TV last night.)
• My 5 yr old, who helped out and took a shower all by himself last night.
• My 8 yr old, who came down and asked for another interesting book to read because he'd already finished all the others!
• Colin Powell for speaking his mind about the GOP campaign with truthfulness and honor, even though he knew he'd catch hell from his own party.